What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
