its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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