I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I could teleport
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
