There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
