found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
