My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
