Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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