Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
