Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
