I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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