Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
