i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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