whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
