I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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