I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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