Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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