how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
