I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
