arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
