I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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