everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
