I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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