Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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