TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
