I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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