I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
