There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
