"it" just moved
I cannot find my penis.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
