I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
