We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it because I queefed?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
