did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
