dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All the doctor said was why
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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