Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
