Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
