do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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