I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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