Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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