the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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