I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
In America we eat man semen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
