I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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