Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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