but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it glows. i had to have it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
