Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dicks are not precious.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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