im six kinds of drunk right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
