A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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