I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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