She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
