Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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