haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
