Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
