The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
