whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Enjoy the penises
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
