hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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