So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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