batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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