Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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