I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
