great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
