I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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