dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
