The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
