I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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