saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
