i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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