So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
