i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
