i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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