She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
