Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
