he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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