Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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