ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want her autograph on my taint
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
